The Heart Never Lies
by Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha
Summary: How does one deal with the death of a rival? What if he's also the one you love?


Title: The Heart Never Lies  
Style: One shot  
Author: Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha  
Author's notes: An angst someone persuaded me to write. I was worried about being flamed, but who cares?   
Disclaimer: KKJ isn't mine. :D  
  
  
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Guilt.  
  
It's worse than they say it is.   
  
I never even considered the fact that it might have ended like this. True, the paranoia of him getting injured came to mind, but never.. death.   
  
"Maron... I'm sure he's just sick today." I ignored the comforting words of Miyako as I continued to stare at the moistened grass. She didn't know. Nobody knew what had happened yet. What's more worse.. I had seen it happen.   
  
I blame myself. If only I had been out of the way. If only I had moved a second earlier, he wouldn't have had to protect me. He wouldn't have died. 'BAKA!' I remember crying. I shook his limp body, repeating the same words of confusion and fury, "Why?!" His pale lips curled into his cool, calm smile as he replied, 'If I didn't, I would have never forgiven myself.'  
  
I turn away from Miyako's figure. "I... I'd like to be alone, Miyako." I said, my voice trembling as a sob nestled itself in my throat, waiting for the worst moment to burst out. I saw my friend's shadow vanish into nothingness. Right now I'm praying that this is all a terrible, terrible dream. That I will wake up in the peak hours of the night, screaming and crying, but it would be all a dream. Dreams that meant nothing. Just an illusion of my mind. But nothing happened. Dreams don't hurt like reality does. The cruel, horrors of reality suddenly struck in. I'd never see him again.  
  
I'd never see his usual wink towards me when I reached school. I'd never again see him staring at me from the balcony of his apartment room, his chestnut eyes barred by strands of deep azure tresses. His deep laugh floating from his lips as I constantly ignore his remarks.   
  
The recollections sadden my heart the more I thought of them. The held in tears became almost unbearable in my eyes, blurring my vision. I buried my face into my hands as I allowed them to drop, continuously, almost as if there was no end. I hoped that crying would drain the hurt and anger out of me. But no such miracle occurred. I didn't understand, though.  
  
My heart knew something my mind didn't. Something so powerful it caused me to break down in tears, uncontrollably. I searched, scanned my thoughts for an answer. Why did his not being there make me feel so awful? A feeling that revealed itself from the first time he kissed me. Something that made me want to see him each and every day. No matter how much I acted like I didn't think anything of him. That I swore my emotions for him purely did not exist.   
  
My cries of terror rang throughout the midnight atmosphere as I watched the silver blade of a knife collide into him. It was meant to be for me. For me. The demon must have been hiding the knife for I had let my guard down.. for just a second. A second in which was long enough to take a life. I slammed my eyes shut, trying to remove the horrifying image from my mind. Instead, it swirled about my thoughts, haunting me. I couldn't take it. A shriek escaped from my lips, a cry out in pain and torture, as if I had been stabbed a thousand times and was still alive to feel every single one of the wounds. I can just feel the pairs of eyes staring at me. Miyako would come and ask me why I'm acting like this. I can't take it.  
  
A jolt shot through me, causing me to rise and run. My only thought now is to run. I couldn't see the road before me for my eyes were still shut, my hands holding my head in agonizing pain. My main destination was to be my home, but it seemed to me that when I got there, I just kept going. Fin must have been sitting out on the balcony.  
  
"Maron!"   
I kept going.  
"Maron!' A flap of wings was heard beside me. She knew I'd act like this. Fin saw as well. "Maron, stop. Please. It's not your fault."   
"I was in the way. If not for me.. he'd still be here." I whispered, my legs aching as I ran.  
"Maron .. he died beca--" She began.  
"NO!!" I yelled. I couldn't face that word. Died. The belief was still setting in. I didn't want to realize that he was actually gone forever. Voice shook as I spoke. My heart pounding upon my chest with fury. What has happened to me?  
"Maron, I didn't mean to.. " Fin started. I sped up my pace. I wanted to get away from her. From everyone. My head was lowered so I couldn't tell when I ran into someone and fell to the ground. I looked up in a panic, trying to cover my face with my hands at the same time.  
"I-I'm so sorry.. " I said. As I peered up, I was met with bloodshot eyes and a figure hidden by shadows. Something was wrong. It was still day. Shadows didn't exist so darkly this early. I knew who this was.  
"Watch where you're going, little brat! " The person shouted in a deep, husky voice. He held with him a small sculpture of a woman, looking as if a child had created it. He must have seen the look in my eyes. The look that had shown him that I knew who and what he was. Suddenly, he shot out, chasing after me. Without saying a thing, I ran off, in search of an alley. One appeared around the row of markets. Was I strong enough to face another demon? I could only pray..   
"Joan d'Arc, lend me your strength." I cried, looking behind me as the all too familiar demon gained on me. As I transformed quickly, he stopped in awe.  
"I've seen you before." He laughed. A glint in the rather dark alley appeared beside him. I held tears back, trying to forget events of the other night. "Is your little friend okay?" He asked. My mind went blank as I could feel a cry of anger running up my throat. I did everything to keep it down or else I'd draw attention towards us.  
"I will pay you back.. for your unforgivable actions." I choked out. Raising a white pin above me, I slowly aimed at the creation he held so protectively in his hands. My heart still ached as I wondered if my throw would make it or be strong enough. I heard Fin calling to me from outside of the alley. I didn't call back. I must have lost her in the chase.  
"NO! I WON'T LET YOU!" The man shouted, lifting up a knife stained with maroon blood. The sight of that weakened my legs I knew whose blood that was. I suddenly felt light-headed. As I threw the pin, I saw the knife flying from his fingers at the same time. Why didn't I move? ... As I felt a stab of indescribable pain crash into my chest, I dropped to my knees. The energy rushed out of me. His powerful throw had intercepted my pin. My hands were tainted with a thick crimson liquid. My eyelids became heavy as I saw Fin flying towards me. My head beated with pain, a pain I have never experienced, though not worse than the one I had obtained the other night. The demon had won again.  
"Maron!" I heard Fin yell before my eyes shut. Perhaps it was better this way. I know what my heart was trying to tell me.  
"Chiaki .. " I said softly, "I love--.." Everything went black.  
"MARON!!!!"  
  
  
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Please don't flame me about happy endings. If you've read some of my other fics, you'll know I'm more of a sad ending kind of person. Besides, this IS my first angst. ;-;  
  
- Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha -  



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